I wanted to continue sharing my thoughts on relationships. Basically just my thoughts on the matter, And my last journal left me wanting to talk about it more.
First of all, I would like to apologize in advance for being a traitor to my gender. I do think it is necessary. What we have seen, and the stories we have heard are all so alike that they cannot be ignored.
Something else I have learned is cliche's always seem to have a reason for existing.
For instance, the nice guy usually does finish last. And what messes a guy up is girls saying: "I just want a nice guy!" "There's just no decent men out there." And then do the opposite later in the relationship, and say "You never give me space!" "I've changed since I met you, and I don't like it!" A girl's nice guy has to fit all requirements- Be good with kids, be sensitive but still manly, think about me but let me be myself, Pay for the meal/open the door but treat with equality at the same time, be pretty good looking also. A guy's nice guy is just... being nice. In the traditional sense of just.. not being mean. That is why I have said a guy usually tries to be a good boyfriend. Honestly, what person doesn't have good intentions at least? BUT There is another type of guy. One who knows women so well, that they play something that's called the "Game". This is the guy who does everything perfect in the eyes of girls, just so they can get in their pants basically. So the guys you need to avoid for really are the "Perfect guy". The real perfect guy is usually just a "decent dude". What the world has come to is the Decent Dude HAS to play the game in order to keep up. Or they are left behind.
There is another type of guy, that is such a "Nice Guy" that will always be next to the phone if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone you talk about your horrible parents to and listens intently, or someone you know you can always text at 3am. He happens to be the type of guy that ALWAYS gets the "Let's just be friends
" "Our friendship has so much value, I would hate to ruin it."
Oh? They're being a really great nice person, and when they happen to be into you... That's not a desirable trait for a boyfriend? Oh but he's TOO nice.
This is why I'm siding with the boys on this. I have seen this consistently.. Isn't this by our own logic the type we want? Or is it true that we only go after jerks, because it does happen to be people's nature to want what they can't have. I guess there is a reason guys RANT about "Girls only want the asshole!" They are most likely a recovering nice guy. Aka. no more Mr. Nice Guy.
This has all really been for the dating game. Early relationships. But what about long term relationships? The one you look for in your 20's onward? (Preferably with a decent guy)
The most important thing is balance, always strive for balance in a relationship. And my advice to women: Don't be a woman, BE a person. Be entirely fair. Do not demand.
Doesn't matter if they don't shower. As soon as you start demanding, they are going switch modes and agree with you on everything, then start avoiding subjects, avoiding doing certain things in front of you, then eventually avoid you all together. You do not want this to happen, it always ends bad. This is the root of the problem, they will usually want to please you. If they are honest and do not care about pleasing you, they would say "Fuck off! I don't have to shower. Now make me a sandwich." That's why they find that so funny, really that's what ALL guys really want to say! But because they are keeping the peace, they HAVE
to agree with you. See how this is a problem? If you show this to any guy, they know it's true. This is their side of the story that we usually never see. And it's what I learned in order to be a great girlfriend. As soon as you stop demanding and start being understanding and let them be themselves, they WANT
to shower for you. They WANT
to do everything for you. That is when you do things back for them equally, and it becomes a healthy relationship.
Now I will say being fair also means to know when things are your fault and Aren't your fault. Chances are since awesome girls do tend to end up with assholes (See above), you will need to learn some things about yourself. This is really tricky and requires 100% honesty and complete control over negative emotions. There's a trap girls can fall into that is called downward spiral. Remember to not hoard emotions inside, especially if you are suffering. If you are being pushed around, this is another place where being a well rounded person and being fair kicks in. Defend yourself. Talk it out. In the end, get out of bad relationships, and find the great ones. When you find that you're in a great relationship, Another Cliche comes into play. "Communication is Key". Talk everything out, learn about each other. From now on live your life as a human being with another and enjoy the fulfillment and undying love! This person will become a part of you, and you will become a part of them. :}
I know there are those who will disagree. It's almost impossible to teach lessons unless you have already experienced it. I hope I have not offended anyone, Remember that honest advice is always the hardest to hear.
~Remember not to rush into marriage! If you are surprised they are proposing to you, live together for at least 2 years before tying the knot. This is coming from a daughter of 3x divorced parents. Each of their marriages they have rushed into.
~Also, remember to take care of yourself! Human beings are very visual so in turn very shallow, even if we don't mean to be. You may disagree but you can't dispute when more or less people approach you. It's because of how you look.
~Once you are happy in a relationship, You are done. You are that person's unit, stick by them no matter what. Do all you can to work on the relationship, don't let your guard down and take them for granted.